Have you ever heard that college/university years are wasted if you didn't date and find your 'significant other' and how difficult would it be to find 'the one' once you step into full-time employment? Yup, I got those ALL the time, from almost everyone, when I was doing my law school. There would always be echoes around me about this sentiment and how I'd grow old without really knowing what it feels like to love and be loved by a 'significant other' (biggest misconception, I found out). Sure, I had crush on this and that guy, here and there, throughout my university years. There were those long talks with my class mates about the kind of person we want to be with. But I didn't date seriously. Meh, I wasn't that worried. University was only a place in this vast, diversified world, really! And am I glad I didn't give in to the pressure. These are why:
1. No couple drama/issue/dilemma
Let me be honest, there were times back then that I felt left out from all the 'fun' of having a boyfriend. There were days I thought that I'd never find myself a guy that would love me enough especially when all my classmates were too busy going out on dates. But, for most parts, I'm glad I waited. I saw how dramas unfolded before me between the university couples. How small things like a guy going out on a movie outing in a group with his classmates of both genders without informing his girlfriend got blown out of proportion. I saw how two best friends of different genders decided to start dating only to break up later because they realised they never really loved each other in that way, how at the beginning they just gave in to the pressure to be in a relationship. There was this on-again, off-again couple too. Remember that Taylor Swift's song "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together"? Yeah, it was totally like that! Relationship dramas were just too intense for me to handle (I still think dramas are unnecessary in a relationship) especially when I had a bigger concern i.e. getting through law school without failing.
2. Freedom and time on my own
Had I missed out to experience the great university life in all its glory? Certainly not! It is perfectly okay and normal. Just because I didn't have that other person to stroll around the campus, hand-in-hand with, doesn't mean I didn't enjoy my university years. I did whatever I felt like, went out with whomever I wanted to, hung out with a bunch of people some of my friends didn't approve of, without having to be answerable to that other person. There was no "you shouldn't do this in case your boyfriend/girlfriend finds out and he/she won't be happy with you" attitude. Sure, friends' opinion matters. But, be honest. If I were to weigh a friend's opinion and that other person's opinion, surely his opinion would weigh more. Had I had one back then, I would have to be answerable to him, worry about doing stuff that might offend him and arrange our schedule around each other's, leaving little to no space for everything else. It sounds as though I am a selfish person but I view university years as the time to really experience everything I wanted, without being tied down by a commitment towards that other person. I didn't want to be that person who later regretted missing out on fun campus stuff due to her commitment to a now non-existing relationship.
3. Baggage-free at graduation
I saw how a couple of 6 years, that stood through a long distance relationship for 5 years during those university years, broke up in the first year of working just because one couldn't agree with how the other chose to commit to his/her career. I am glad I didn't have this problem. Shortly after obtaining my law degree and being called to the bar, I moved on with my life and pursued my current career. I made my own career choice and I moved to a new place entirely of my own choice. All without having to factor in a boyfriend into that equation. Of course, couples who love each other make it through this all the time but it was nice to experience freedom in its truest sense especially in the first few months right after graduation because this was the moment I really took the time to figure out my new life (no more school, finally!). It was also during this period that I realised what I didn't want in my life (though I haven't really found out what I want). What if I had a boyfriend and I realised I didn't want him anymore? It cringes me every time I think about how my life would have been now had I started dating that guy I had a crush on, because he's the type I realised soon after graduation that I would never want in my life (he was totally my type back then).
4. Give myself time to be ready to commit
Back when I was in university, I was a different kind of person. He was a different kind of person too. Had we met back then, it wouldn't have worked out and I would have missed a chance to love and be loved by a really great, considerate man. Still, I can regale him with the stories of all the crazy adventures I did in my university and he can tell me about his times in university. I look at it as experiencing new things through someone else's experiences, using my own imagination and sometimes it is better that way. Though we don't have a past together, we share this present and hopefully the future too. As put by Søren Kierkegaard, "life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”
I'm not saying that relationships forged during university/college years are bound to fail. I admire those couples that are still together long after the graduation ceremony took place. If you found someone you click well and everything else just worked out, there is no reason why you shouldn't date him/her while in university/college. Just, don't freak out if you don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend while you are in university. There is no need to rush and there's a timing for everything. The not-dating in unversity worked out well for me and I'm in a serious relationship now with someone met a year after I graduated. This is just based on my own experience.
